There is a difference between the way I respond to someone's behaviour and reacting to it.
Responses are usually controlled, pre-meditated thoughts or decisions. We think about what someone said, analyze it according to our belief system and then answer them in a socially appropriate manner. If what they said is meant to manipulate me, I can be assertive and make it plain that I understand what is going on and be clear that I will not be controlled.
A REACTION however, is not so pretty. Its that gut-wrenching, immediate spark of my infantile self that leaps into action and wreaks havoc on the perceived offender. Reactions, I usually regretted about three minutes after they happen.
Lately, I have been reacting to Rebecca rather than responding to her. It is a great source of grief and guilt. I can imagine the therapy session 12 years from now. "Why do you love Isabella more than me" is the question that terrifies me.
The truth is, I DON'T love Isabella more than her but Isabella is easier than her in so many ways. I just don't understand the whole first born mentalitity, its not in me.
Why does she push every limit and have to force every situation? Its like in every moment, she has to make sure that I'm in charge....but not just check....MAKE SURE! She has to test the limit to make sure its there. She has to try to control everything we do, to see how far she can get before I reign her back in. It is so frustrating and exhausting.
If its an adult, you can meet a control freak on the grounds of equality and there's give in take. How can I be assertive, still maintain authority and allow freedom to grow with a three year old who has as much charisma as I do and twice the energy?
Why can't she just relax and trust me? I want to pin her down and scream, "I'm your mom! Let me love you! Quit trying to be so grown-up!!!!!"
That would really help, don't you think?
First borns out there, any advise? WHAT IS SHE THINKING????
Responses are usually controlled, pre-meditated thoughts or decisions. We think about what someone said, analyze it according to our belief system and then answer them in a socially appropriate manner. If what they said is meant to manipulate me, I can be assertive and make it plain that I understand what is going on and be clear that I will not be controlled.
A REACTION however, is not so pretty. Its that gut-wrenching, immediate spark of my infantile self that leaps into action and wreaks havoc on the perceived offender. Reactions, I usually regretted about three minutes after they happen.
Lately, I have been reacting to Rebecca rather than responding to her. It is a great source of grief and guilt. I can imagine the therapy session 12 years from now. "Why do you love Isabella more than me" is the question that terrifies me.
The truth is, I DON'T love Isabella more than her but Isabella is easier than her in so many ways. I just don't understand the whole first born mentalitity, its not in me.
Why does she push every limit and have to force every situation? Its like in every moment, she has to make sure that I'm in charge....but not just check....MAKE SURE! She has to test the limit to make sure its there. She has to try to control everything we do, to see how far she can get before I reign her back in. It is so frustrating and exhausting.
If its an adult, you can meet a control freak on the grounds of equality and there's give in take. How can I be assertive, still maintain authority and allow freedom to grow with a three year old who has as much charisma as I do and twice the energy?
Why can't she just relax and trust me? I want to pin her down and scream, "I'm your mom! Let me love you! Quit trying to be so grown-up!!!!!"
That would really help, don't you think?
First borns out there, any advise? WHAT IS SHE THINKING????
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