New Candidate for Ministry of Funny Walks.....

So on Saturday I take Rebecca to the Y for her dance lesson. She walks into the building perfectly normally, then after getting on her dance stuff, she says "Mom, watch this!"

She proceeds to walk from the change room all the way to the gym with her legs wide open, kind of limping to one side. I walk about three feet behind, not sure what to make of this...what is she thinking???? As I am watching her, I start to notice people staring at me with these pitiful smiles of understanding. One woman looks absolutely broken-hearted as she forces a smile at me.

I then realize as Rebecca is limping past everyone with a huge grin on her face that these people are seeing a brave little girl who is battling cerebal palsy or some other serious disease.

By the time I realized what was going on, she had hobbled into the gym so these well-meaning people were still smiling at this imaginary courageous mother.

I've been thinking about how their pitiful smiles made me feel sad. Their response to my "tragedy" was actually embarassing. I've done the encouraging smile (while thinking you poor thing) myself, is that how made my pitied people feel? How awful!!

So, what is the appropriate response when I meet people who are living in situations I perceive as tragic?
I don't know.
Something for me to think about.

Brain Fart???

This morning I had a preview of senile dementia, which I don't plan to get but now I know what it could feel like.

First episode:
My pantry is right beside the stove. I heard the kettle boil, so went to get the tea bag out of the pantry. This takes one step, one second in time and in that space of time....SMACK....total amnesia! I stood at the pantry door, staring at everything, wondering, "what I am looking for?"

I stood there for about a minute before I came back around, and worked through the process again...tea kettle, make tea, ahhhhhhh....tea bag.

Scary! How you can just space out like that, and seriously forget what was just in your head.

Second Episode:
I made a ham the other day, so I thought I'd use up the left-overs in a casserole today. So I'm looking for a ham recipe in the index under B!!! Since when does Ham start with a B????

Third Episode:
I couldn't remember the word........oh crap! I can't remember it again! This is the third time, I am never going to use THAT word again. Even if I could remember it, I won't use because its too hard to remember.....STUPID WORD!!!!

Today's Life Question: Am I going slowly retarded? (or possibly quickly retarded?)

Holy Manipulation, Batman!

Tonight as we put our darling Rebecca to bed, she was an angel. She put on her P.J.s and brushed her teeth without incident. She ran to bed and tucked herself in.

I came in to sing to her, and pray with her, and she was rather quiet with no attempts at delays.
I said "goodnight" as I closed the door...and here comes the catch.

A little voice from the bed says, "Mommy, can you get daddy? I need to talk to you guys."
So D.J. comes over, and this is the speech we get.

"Mommy and daddy, I love you. You are the bestest mommy and daddy, and I love you."
Two teary-eyed parents kiss her sweet head, as she continues....
"You guys are my bestest family, and now all we got to need is a little baby, like a baby brother, okay? Okay....you guys go now and talk about it"

Once we re-gained our composure from laughing like hyenas, we told we'd TALK about it, but no promises.

Disclaimer...

Tonight at my class at the Y, the instrutor began the class with a disclaimer.
Here it is what he said:

"I'm not saying this isn't going to be painful. I'm not saying this is going to be fun. I'm not saying that you aren't going to hurt everywhere for the next two days. I'm just saying these next thirty minutes will make your abs and butt look great. Oh, and if anyone needs to throw up during the session, try not to throw up on the mats."

Now.....at this point, should I have stood up and left the room?
Possibly.
But did I?
No.

It was an eye-opening experience, and I will hurt for the next two days.
That's all I have to say about that.

Oh, and also this....regarding my last post, one adrenaline-rush-type job I would NOT take?
Being a marine.
Many of the exercises where ones they use in the marine corps.
I do NOT want to be a marine.

Flying High....

In crisis situations there is a certain amount of adrenaline that kicks in to help you do whatever it is that needs to get done. I got adrenaline highs quite regularly working at the drop-in center.

With my new job, it is meetings, paper work and more meetings. No kicking drug-dealers butts or breaking up fights with big teenage boys twice my size. Not one in an meeting have a had a drunk person try and flirt with me. As far as adrenaline goes....its booooooo-ring.

Well, the last few days, there has been a crisis situation going on with a youth program that has required some serious de-escalation, communication and negotiation. Adrenaline rising!

I've had work between people, de-escalate people who were angry and upset and work on a tight time schedule to get everything back on track. Yeee-----hah! I LOVE the high!!!

I've been working like a maniac, and getting things going, and I'm loving it. Work that I enjoy and little bit of the rush that I've grown accustomed to. I thought of some future jobs I might take that fit my description of a good time:

1. International Spy
2. Mafia Boss
3. President of the U.S. (while at war with Iraq or any other country for that matter)
4. Hostage Negotiator
5. Directory of a Nursery School (don't laugh, those moms can be VICIOUS!!!!)

Any other ideas?

My Biggest Fan....

Tonight at my volleyball game, Rebecca was so cute.
During the game, I could her little voice shouting out, "Score it Mom! Score it!"

When we'd have a time out she'd give me a high five, and say, "Great team Mom!" or "Good Game".

She was so cute, trying to remember all the words she has heard other players say. She tries so hard to be like the big people. She is awesome. Getting a high five from her is better than winning the game. (which we did, btw)

When we left the gym, some guy was going in with his gym bag. She said, "Hey you going to play volleyball?" He said, "Yah. Did you play already?." In her best adult intonation she answered, "Nah. I'm too little."

She is so cute. When she is a big girl, I'm going to be the loudest cheerer on the bench! I'll be yelling "Score it, Becca!" as loud as I can. Until she asks me to leave for embarassing her in front of her friends!
ha ha ha

Its What's Inside That Counts.....

Generally, anyone who gets cast as the lead in any Hollywood movie is going to be beautiful.
They don't really do ugly but smart, or hideous with a great personality. The bottom line is eye-candy who can act...somewhat.

But in real life, when we aren't forced to stare at someone's face for 2 hours while not interacting with them, a person's looks don't get them as far as in the movies. I can be completely put off by a stunning face when some insipid, rude or racist comment is expeled from their perfectly aligned teeth.

I have been noticing lately, what people emit from inside is what attracts me or not. (Not that I'm all deep or anything...its just seems to be the pattern lately).

I've been avoiding negativity, and shallow, fakey smiles. Its too depressing to be around. Its exhausting to see hurt held captive in hearts that refuse to acknowledge its presence. People can only cover rejection, and anger with "happy-bubbly" for so long before reality starts to raise to the top.

I'm not saying that being real isn't difficult. I'm not saying facing hurt and rejection aren't painful, but living with it buried is a life-long anguish that takes it toll and steals lives.
I'm not even saying that I go head-to-head with hurt or confrontation that comes my way, but I try my best to be real....I am trying to be what I am, regardless of the outcome.

NOTE: This post is not about one specific person that I know, I'm don't have any one specific person in mind, I'm just babbling on about people in general and my desire for thing to be real. If this post resembles you in any way, it is a coincidence, and I'm not talking about YOU! okay?
This is just a general blathering on about what I've noticed lately, I want the whole world (including me) to cut the crap!

Superstore.....

Super Indeed!
I just went to do my post-Christmas blow-out birthday-gifts for the rest of the year!!!

Woo-hooo!!! They had brand name toys on sale for up to 70% off the regular price.

I spent a lot of CASH but I have GREAT gifts for my kids, my niece and my nephews.
And I'm done the birthdays for this year! Yeah!

Now I just have to figure out, where this money to cover this sudden expense is going to come from, do-do-d0-do......the suspense is building, will she mysteriously find the money to pay for the gifts, or will she have to sell her hair to take advantage of this fabulous bargain?

Take NO PRISONERS!!!!!

My house is under seige! From the fearless, cleaning forces of THE BLEACHINATOR!
I'm on a wild rampage!
No dust, grease, grime or mold stand a chance again the BLEACHINATOR!!!

Wherever there are grubby handprints...I'll be there.
Wherever there are cracker crumbs.....I'll be there.
Whenever a dustbunny cries out.....I will answer.

Germs and dirt, BEWARE!!!
The Bleachinator will not stop until all forms of dust, dirt and grime are annhilated!

Da-dah-nah-nah!
*swishing my cape as I dramatically leave the room*

Oh!!! Now I Get It!

I had an early morning revelation at 5:15 am!

Lately, Isabella has been getting up between 6 and 7am and climbing into me bed, snuggling up and drifting back to sleep. Usually, this wakes me up and I have a hard time getting back to sleep as she wiggles, and sighs her way back to dreamland.

This morning when I heard the thump as she rolled out of bed, and I glanced the 5:15 on the clock, I thought, "this has got to stop, I need some sleep and she needs to stop doing this."

She wandered into the room, clutching her blankie and put her soft curly head on my chest as she waited for me to lift her onto the bed and cuddle with her. One look at her, and thoughts of me getting more sleep flew out the window. Instead, I watched her wiggle and sleep with a huge smile on my face. Well aware that my heart was tightly wrapped around her pudgy, baby pinky.

I don't care how much sleep I get! Once look at her and my heart melts. I love that she needs cuddles and closeness! I look at her charming, round face and her joyful eyes and I'm in love!

With this thought, another phrase came to mind..."with one glance of her eye"....

Hold the phone! Could this be the way that GOD feels about me? Does His heart melt over me coming in for a cuddle, one more time? So often I think, He must see how often I come back to Him for more and He must think, "Oh no! Not her again. This woman can't get enough!"

But if He feels this way about me (after all, I'm a parent, He's a parent, and I'm made in His image, I must get it from somewhere!!!) then WHY do I think like this??????

He probably doesn't care that I interrupt His sleep to ask for extra cuddles. If His heart is overcome with one glance as I walk into His room clutching my blankie, what does this MEAN????

When I am overcome with love, I would do anything for that person and I'm not offended that would ask me for anything. If this true, there should never be guilt in my prayer life. I should ask with confidence, as I am asking someone who longs to please me! This is too much to comprehend. This is yet another level of "paradigm shift", as they used to say at the Vineyard!

The King of Heaven is enamoured with ME!!! How INSANE is that???
Its one of those cases of, yes, I know this but I know that I know that I know. Getting it in your heart is quite a different thing!

If I wake up tomorrow and there is a brand new mini-van with a HUGE red ribbon on it, and my name inscribed on the key. I won't be surprised. I'll say, "OF COURSE!!" then I'll turn to my children and say, "He is always doing things like this, He is soooooo in love with me!"
(then I'll go for a spin!)

Ta-Da!!!

Last night my lovely friend Lynne came over and took a few pics of my new hair with her digital camera so I could post it on the site.
Thanks Lynne!

Here it is....TA-DA.....

Chop, Chop....

Today I went to the salon for a very long overdo hairstyle.
I don't have a digital camera so I can't post a picture but I'll describe it.

Its ALOT shorter!!! My FLAMING hairstylist was giggling as he said, "ha ha ha it looks like I'm just hacking your hair off! ha ha ha" as hair was flying off my head onto the salon floor.
He was also VERY excited about doing this "mini-make-over" because it was so dramatically different from my "mom cut".

Its very chic, and wild and yet fru-fru. Its the "Jennifer Aniston" cut meets a rock star.
I got it colored too. I'm NOT a blonde anymore!!!

The suspense builds....

Where do babies comes from???

You know the question is inevitable, like gum finding its way to hair or pudding up the nose. Its a rite of passage and all children must discover these mysteries anew.

I knew one day, one of my children would ask this question and I thought I was prepared for it.

Here is the situation I had imagined, (note the perfect parenting):

Rebecca comes running in with her clean ribbons holding up her perfectly curled hair. She and Opie had been watching birds by the pond, and wanted to know what that silly mating dance was about. I laughed, and then sighed as I leaned back in my rocking chair and adjusted the lapels on my silk, smoking jacket. With a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye I spewed wise, age-old euphamisms about reproduction and creation. I explained the mysteries of life simply enough for a child to understand, but with enough sophistication to use the correct anatomical jargon. The conversation flowed easily, words like cervix, uterus and fallopian tube landing elegantly in graceful, poetic sentences. After the children had their curiousity satiated, we all went into the kitchen for fresh apple pie that Aunt Bee just took out of the oven.

Now here's what really happened:

We were in the car, rushing home from the library. I was hurriedly thinking about what I could whip up for supper and pretty much ignoring all the babble from the backseat. In mid-conversation, Rebecca pipes up, "Mom, when mommies have babies, how do the babies get out of their tummies?"
I was stunned out of my distracted stupor, and was speechless as I racked my brain for an appropriate answer to this question. D.J. noticing my uncomfortable silence, began to laugh making me feel even more pressure to come up with something brilliant. The only thing that came out was a muffled, "they just do, they come out when they are ready."
Rebecca continued, "Well, how? How do they get out, do they make a hole?"
With all the wisdom, maturity and sophistication I could muster, I said, "Yup, kind-a, something like that."

The good thing about parenting is that kids are so resilient, and maliable. I may have missed a "teachable moment" (which is bad) but I can always gather my thoughts and come back to it (which is great). Hopefully the opportunity to pass on some valuable wisdom is not lost forever, in the momentary interest of the three year old mind. And if I get it wrong, the worst-case scenario is a phone-call home from a horrified biology teacher in about 13 years!

Ice-Adventures...

Last night I was helping out a girl's youth program who needed adult drivers to take the girls to harborview. I haven't ice-skated in years but I thought, what harm could it do?

I strapped on the ol' skates and away I went, skating with the girls. Chasing each other, watching the stars, playing games etc. It was loads of fun! Until.....

We were skating towards all the edges of the pond, I was going towards one of the outer edges when CRACK....SPLASH!!! (Not good sounds when one is ice-skating on a pond).

I did not fall through the ice, but there was a section where the ice was very thin and just below it was about 3 inches of ice-water....an ice puddle below the ice, which I found!
If you've ever skated, you know that as you pick up speed you lean forward. And if you've ever tried to skate on water, you'd know that water doesn't have the same sliding properties as ice.

So.....my body was going forward while my feet were not. Splash!

The girls were very helpful, as soon as they saw me go down, all twenty of them went screaming and skating as fast they could in the other direction. Cold, wet, chaos!!!

Luckily, I didn't go right through the ice, as I would have died of hypothermia before the girls could explain to an adult what had happened.
Ahhhhh.....the glorious hysteria of adolescence.

But it turned out okay, the water only soaked through the first two layers of clothes completely, and I was wearing four layers! Did I mention I HATE being cold? But that was the end of my skating adventure. I'll try again next year.

Great Meeting...

Today I had a great business meeting with some board members for my job.
They loved the ideas, moving ahead with the grant proposal. Loved the research that I
had done and things are looking up.

Still WAY behind in my hours, but I'm working on that. Getting stuff done, and (apparently) doing it well!!! At the end of the meeting, one board member had this HUGE smile and said she was glad I got this job, because I was made for it!
That made me very happy because that's how I feel about it too!!

Things are going well, jobwise!
On the homefront, I'm so far behind in my housework that it might be easier to just move at this point.

I can't hear you....

Does anyone else out there have a passive-aggressive child? One of those kids (with selective hearing) who is not outwardly defiant but still isn't listening?

Isabella is a genius at finding new and creative ways to not fully cooperate with me. Its not direct disobedience but its not exactly compliance either.

She has refused to participate in potty training, or even talk about potty training. It seems we're at cross purposes, so I thought I'd create an opportunity for us to be on the same side of the problem and work at it together. (Conflict resolution training in action!)

I explained to her that I had a problem, and would she help me with it?
"Sure!!"--- She always loves to be mommy's helper.

I explained that I have a little girl named Isabella who is too big for diapers but she can't wear panties because she pees in them. This little girl needs to learn to use the potty so she can wear panties, so what should I do?

Isabella looked at me pensively, thought for awhile and then picked up her headless barbie doll.
She said, "Look mom, this dolly is broken. I have a problem."
(Classic avoidance and re-direct)

So I re-directed her re-direct, "we're not talking about the barbie doll right now, we're talking about my problem with my little Isabella girl".
She replied, "But mom, this problem is serious!"

After I stopped laughing and re-capitated the barbie, she decided that Isabella should try to wear panties and use the potty.

My strategy worked, with a few side-trails here and there. Its tough keeping up with a brilliant, passive-aggressive, re-directing, little imp!
But its good for a laugh!

Cable Guy!!!!

Today the cable guy came to hook us up again! (Don't ask, it was free!)

Isabella kept saying, "Hi God!" to the cable guy.
Then she was saying to me "Mommy, God is here" or "Look its God!"

Weird.
I can admit that cable is an interesting concept. Being connected to the outside world is nice, informative and entertaining but miraculous? I don't think so.
So, while I appreciate the cable guy, I don't really think he's on-par with an almighty, omnipotent, creative Being. Perhaps that will be our Bible story at bedtime tonight.
I'll entitle it...."God, NOT The Cable Guy!".

(However, if when I get to heaven, Jesus says to me..."Hey, remember in 2005 when I installed you cable for you?" I'll just have a dumb look on my face as I say..."D'oh!")

To the Grammar Harpies...

Alright people, listen up!

Apparently I've been typing too quickly lately, and not spell-checking, and not proof-reading or doing any editing of any kind.
Does this make me a BAD person? No!
Does this make me a lazy person? Perhaps!

But you have not heard my side of the story so please, listen before you judge me. (Oh, and try to overlook the "harpie" comment above....ha ha ha)

Apparently you are reading the part of the entry where it says what time I posted, so the "too late at night" (early in the morning) excuse is out the window. However, I've thought of some new excuses for you to consider in dismissing my poor grammar and spelling.

Excuse #1 - I was high on various narcotics while posting.

Excuse #2 - I am so highly educated that I'm confusing the grammar from several of the languages I have mastered over the years. Actually, saying "I am took a ballet class" is correct in a direct translation from Greek.

Excuse #3 - I am so undereducated that I have taken to using the grammar acceptable in urban slang. Das' wack! Das' phat! Yo! I am took a ballet class homie!

Excuse #4 - I was too lazy to spell check but I think I can get away with it by being cutsie and winking at you. *wink, wink*

Pssssst.....is it working? Are you charmed? Have you forgiven me? No?
Alright! Maybe "harpie" is a strong word! I shouldn't have said "grammar harpie". I'm sorry. How about grammar nazi? Is that better? Oh, worse! Hmmmmm....

Let's start again.....
To all the "Grammatically Conscious Protectors of Propriety within the English Language."
How's that?
Am I invited to the next G.C.P.P.E.L. conference?
And more importantly, am I forgiven?

My Little Lawyer

The other day Rebecca was trying to get my attention while Isabella was telling me a story.
I told her to wait her turn, as I can only listen to one at a time.

"But mommy, I HAVE to tell you a question!" She kept on....

I asked her not to interrupt.

The she brought out the negotiating skills....

"Just listen mom, okay? I just have TWO POINTS!"

I had to listen. That's too cute, she just has two points, how could I not hear her out!!!

Like a true politician, when I agreed to hear her two points, she added, "Well actually I have ten points!"

ha ha ha ha
She cracks me up!