Juicy Gossip...
There are a lot of naughty things I've thought about people in my short and spicy lifetime. However, not many of the really naughty things got said out loud. The times when a stranger was rude to me in a store and I thought, "What a *#*@*!" but I said nothing out loud. Or worse, the times when it wasn't a stranger...
I'm not sure if my silence is a function of Canadian culture or being raised in the church or a bit of both. The idea that its okay to talk about positive feelings, thoughts or impressions has always been a freedom I've enjoyed, and I am grateful for that.
However, the negative impressions of people or situations seem to be taboo. We mustn't tell others what so-and-so said to us, lest we ourselves become guilty of gossip. What is one to do with the nasty things people do and say? How do you process what some jerk said to you, if you are scared of being a jerk by repeating it?
Well, if you're a nice person you forgive and bite your tongue. But don't tell anyone because then you are a gossip. Learn to process it graciously, and better yet, silently.
Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for "If don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'm not condoning Bitchfest 2006 - say everything negative that comes to mind! For every 5 complaints you make you get a free chip for your shoulder! That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying there should be a safe place to sort out the impact of what other people say and do to us when we can't process it alone. I think the fear of conflict and negative emotions has crippled a lot of nice people that I know. I think when someone (well meaning or not) has said something that has undone a person, that person has the right to speak about it to their friends, without fear of being a gossip.
I think gossip is actually intended for the gossiper to gain attention. Its using information about people or situations to get others to listen. Gossip is not talking about things that have happened to you or how perceive a situation, that's just processing through what you think and feel.
Many people already know this differentiation, and that is good. But for those of us who are figuring it out, and breaking free of the fear of being a gossip...talk it up!
There are a lot of naughty things I've thought about people in my short and spicy lifetime. However, not many of the really naughty things got said out loud. The times when a stranger was rude to me in a store and I thought, "What a *#*@*!" but I said nothing out loud. Or worse, the times when it wasn't a stranger...
I'm not sure if my silence is a function of Canadian culture or being raised in the church or a bit of both. The idea that its okay to talk about positive feelings, thoughts or impressions has always been a freedom I've enjoyed, and I am grateful for that.
However, the negative impressions of people or situations seem to be taboo. We mustn't tell others what so-and-so said to us, lest we ourselves become guilty of gossip. What is one to do with the nasty things people do and say? How do you process what some jerk said to you, if you are scared of being a jerk by repeating it?
Well, if you're a nice person you forgive and bite your tongue. But don't tell anyone because then you are a gossip. Learn to process it graciously, and better yet, silently.
Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for "If don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I'm not condoning Bitchfest 2006 - say everything negative that comes to mind! For every 5 complaints you make you get a free chip for your shoulder! That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying there should be a safe place to sort out the impact of what other people say and do to us when we can't process it alone. I think the fear of conflict and negative emotions has crippled a lot of nice people that I know. I think when someone (well meaning or not) has said something that has undone a person, that person has the right to speak about it to their friends, without fear of being a gossip.
I think gossip is actually intended for the gossiper to gain attention. Its using information about people or situations to get others to listen. Gossip is not talking about things that have happened to you or how perceive a situation, that's just processing through what you think and feel.
Many people already know this differentiation, and that is good. But for those of us who are figuring it out, and breaking free of the fear of being a gossip...talk it up!
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