Thoughts on God...
What if God is loving to everyone because that is how He is, and there is no connection AT ALL to our behaviour?
What if there is no relationship between my behaviour, my intelligence, my understanding of God or my kindness to other people and how much God loves me?
What if God just loves people...just because?
Period.
End of sentence.
End of truth.
If these things are true, what does that mean about all the conditions I've been taught my whole life about how to get God to love you more and all the sermons I heard about how to please God?
I'm not talking about an allowable free-for-all in human behaviour with no consequences because God is a loving chump. The idea that God is forced to forgive me because He is trapped in some kind of cosmic "unconditional love pact" He made with Himself does not only limit God into a little box of human comprehension, it also makes Him less than omnipotent.
I'm talking about the "rules" I've learned to live by, to please God and to please people. My behaviour hasn't changed at all, I'm still outwardly good because old habits die hard.
However, I question my motivation about everything lately.
Why would I construct my life around a goal (getting God to love me) which I've already attained?
It doesn't make sense.
So if I am already loved by God as much as I ever will be...what now?
Can we all (me and God) just relax and have a drink?
Can we put aside all the pretenses (stop pretending) and just have a chat?
Wouldn't that be nice?
I'd think I'd love to have tea with God, aware of both my sin and His grace. I would like to rest, not fearing the tension between sin and grace but knowing love will overcome just because.
Just because love always overcomes. I would like to speak without "prayer talk" and talk about my thoughts and feelings, as small as they may be in comparison to divine knowledge.
If the atmosphere is divine, and I tell the truth as I understand it, it doesn't feel wrong and its still true even though it is wrong and untrue. There is something about an atmosphere devoid of judgement that can allow human truth to withstand divine wisdom without conviction, yet be corrected into divine truth.
When He speaks, this is what I would want out of the conversatin.
I would like my "pretended holiness" to be thrown into the sea, never to be seen again while I listen to real holiness.
I want to hear holiness, and let it seep into my soul so I will laugh and cry and see things.
I want to be like wind. I want to hear and let truth wash over me and then let it go.
I don't want to grasp at the straws of prophetic impressions and try to build a human empire based on snippets of momentary spiritual truth that blew through the air one season.
I can't trap God. I've tried. He won't stay where I put Him.
He is always moving, and my understanding of Him is structured and stuck.
Can I learn to be transient? I can I move with the seasons? What if it means there are days, or weeks or months where there is nothing tangible to hold on to? What if the only evidence of the wind is the wind or the scent of faith blowing through your heart?
Letting go of structure is hard.
Letting go of religion is harder.
What if God is loving to everyone because that is how He is, and there is no connection AT ALL to our behaviour?
What if there is no relationship between my behaviour, my intelligence, my understanding of God or my kindness to other people and how much God loves me?
What if God just loves people...just because?
Period.
End of sentence.
End of truth.
If these things are true, what does that mean about all the conditions I've been taught my whole life about how to get God to love you more and all the sermons I heard about how to please God?
I'm not talking about an allowable free-for-all in human behaviour with no consequences because God is a loving chump. The idea that God is forced to forgive me because He is trapped in some kind of cosmic "unconditional love pact" He made with Himself does not only limit God into a little box of human comprehension, it also makes Him less than omnipotent.
I'm talking about the "rules" I've learned to live by, to please God and to please people. My behaviour hasn't changed at all, I'm still outwardly good because old habits die hard.
However, I question my motivation about everything lately.
Why would I construct my life around a goal (getting God to love me) which I've already attained?
It doesn't make sense.
So if I am already loved by God as much as I ever will be...what now?
Can we all (me and God) just relax and have a drink?
Can we put aside all the pretenses (stop pretending) and just have a chat?
Wouldn't that be nice?
I'd think I'd love to have tea with God, aware of both my sin and His grace. I would like to rest, not fearing the tension between sin and grace but knowing love will overcome just because.
Just because love always overcomes. I would like to speak without "prayer talk" and talk about my thoughts and feelings, as small as they may be in comparison to divine knowledge.
If the atmosphere is divine, and I tell the truth as I understand it, it doesn't feel wrong and its still true even though it is wrong and untrue. There is something about an atmosphere devoid of judgement that can allow human truth to withstand divine wisdom without conviction, yet be corrected into divine truth.
When He speaks, this is what I would want out of the conversatin.
I would like my "pretended holiness" to be thrown into the sea, never to be seen again while I listen to real holiness.
I want to hear holiness, and let it seep into my soul so I will laugh and cry and see things.
I want to be like wind. I want to hear and let truth wash over me and then let it go.
I don't want to grasp at the straws of prophetic impressions and try to build a human empire based on snippets of momentary spiritual truth that blew through the air one season.
I can't trap God. I've tried. He won't stay where I put Him.
He is always moving, and my understanding of Him is structured and stuck.
Can I learn to be transient? I can I move with the seasons? What if it means there are days, or weeks or months where there is nothing tangible to hold on to? What if the only evidence of the wind is the wind or the scent of faith blowing through your heart?
Letting go of structure is hard.
Letting go of religion is harder.
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