Another Formula...
For anyone who has read my blog for an extended period of time will have noticed my affinity for "scientific" proofs and equations. eg. eating cold ice-cream actually burns calories
Well, me thinks it is time for another formula. (Since it apparent from two posts back that I have all my spelling and grammar undercontrol, perhaps I should work on my math skills)
Here is the new formula:
BK = You decided to Bring the Kids along
Basically, you take the length of time it takes to do anything.
eg. Go to the store to buy an apple, takes 20 minutes including travel time.
LT = 10 minutes
Now you decide to bring the kids along for the trip, you take the length of time and square it.
10 X 10 = 100 minutes.
It will now take you 100 minutes (an hour and a half) to go the store and buy the apple.
Proof: LT = 10 minutes a) grab purse, lock door and get into car = 1 minutes
b) start car, drive to store = 2.5 minutes
c) get out of car, enter store = .5 minutes
d) pick up apple in produce and pay cashier = 2 minutes
e) start car, drive back home = 2.5 minutes
f) exit car and unlock house door = 1.5 minutes
Proof LT + BK = 100 minutes
a) grab purse and ask children to put shoes on = 1 minute
b) chase child who thinks its funny to take purse and run = 4 minutes
c) help child find shoes = 8 minutes
d) child puts shoes on while you find car keys = 3 minutes
e) take shoes off and put shoes on the correct feet = 5 minutes
f) get kleenex for tears of sad child crying about shoes on wrong feet = 3 minutes
g) ask if anyone needs to go pee-pee before we go = 1 minute
h) both children take off shoes to go pee pee on the potty = 2 minutes
i) children bicker over who gets which potty = 2 minutes
h) children go pee = 6 minutes
i) child goes poo and needs help wiping = 2 minutes
j) children return to door and put shoes on again = 7 minutes
k) open door and realize its raining, children start to take off shoes = 1 minute
l) argue with children that they don't need rubber boots = 1 minute
m) realize its quicker to just let them put on boots = 1 minute
n) children put on rubber boots = 2 minutes
o) children wail that they can't walk out with umbrellas = 1 minute
p) search for second child's umbrella which was hidden in the closet = 3 minutes
q) walk out of house, lock door = 1 minute
r) in flurry of umbrellas leave purse in house, return for item = 4 minutes
s) put kids into car and start up vehicle = 3 minutes
t) referee argument about who gets which seat = 4 minutes
u) explain why we have to wear seatbelts = 4 minutes
v) back out of driveway, stop and try to remember where you are going = 4 minutes
w) drive to store = 5 minutes (including stop to pick up dropped sippy cup)
x) get out of car and explain (again) why we hold adult hands in parking lot = 5 minutes
y) find shopping cart that isn't wobbly and put kids into the cart = 8 minutes
z) go to produce section and pick up apple = 1 minute
A) pick up 16 apples dropped on ground by child disturbing apple pyramid = 4 minutes
B) go to cashier to pay for apple = 1 minute
C) explain why we are buying an apple, not gum = 2 minutes
D) purchase apple and return to car (leaving kids in cart) = 3 minutes
E) drive home = 2 minutes
F) walk into house with bruised apple which hit the ground when children fought over who's turn it is to carry the shopping bag to the car = 1 minute
So as you can see by this scientific proof, the formula works. It really does take 100 minutes to buy an apple if you include the kids in the shopping excursion.
You can apply this equation to numerous different things.
Walking to the post box down the block takes 3 minutes?
Bring the kids, it will take 9 minutes!
Driving to the video store to pick out a video takes 20 minutes?
With the kids, it will take 400 minutes! That's correct, it will take 6 and a half hours to get a video...the formulas works! See for yourself!
Doing a load of dishes takes half an hour? 30 minutes becomes 900 minutes. Yes, it will take you 15 hours to do the dishes if your children are around. And even if you can manage it in less time, it will still seem like 15 hours!
With those examples, I will end this post. It is time for me to go begin writing a new math text book. Its going to be called Mommy Math.
I will use this math formula in high schools around the country as part of the health curriculum, as a means to prevent teen pregnancy.
For anyone who has read my blog for an extended period of time will have noticed my affinity for "scientific" proofs and equations. eg. eating cold ice-cream actually burns calories
Well, me thinks it is time for another formula. (Since it apparent from two posts back that I have all my spelling and grammar undercontrol, perhaps I should work on my math skills)
Here is the new formula:
LT + BK = (LT) (LT)
LT = Length of Time it takes to do anythingBK = You decided to Bring the Kids along
Basically, you take the length of time it takes to do anything.
eg. Go to the store to buy an apple, takes 20 minutes including travel time.
LT = 10 minutes
Now you decide to bring the kids along for the trip, you take the length of time and square it.
10 X 10 = 100 minutes.
It will now take you 100 minutes (an hour and a half) to go the store and buy the apple.
Proof: LT = 10 minutes a) grab purse, lock door and get into car = 1 minutes
b) start car, drive to store = 2.5 minutes
c) get out of car, enter store = .5 minutes
d) pick up apple in produce and pay cashier = 2 minutes
e) start car, drive back home = 2.5 minutes
f) exit car and unlock house door = 1.5 minutes
Proof LT + BK = 100 minutes
a) grab purse and ask children to put shoes on = 1 minute
b) chase child who thinks its funny to take purse and run = 4 minutes
c) help child find shoes = 8 minutes
d) child puts shoes on while you find car keys = 3 minutes
e) take shoes off and put shoes on the correct feet = 5 minutes
f) get kleenex for tears of sad child crying about shoes on wrong feet = 3 minutes
g) ask if anyone needs to go pee-pee before we go = 1 minute
h) both children take off shoes to go pee pee on the potty = 2 minutes
i) children bicker over who gets which potty = 2 minutes
h) children go pee = 6 minutes
i) child goes poo and needs help wiping = 2 minutes
j) children return to door and put shoes on again = 7 minutes
k) open door and realize its raining, children start to take off shoes = 1 minute
l) argue with children that they don't need rubber boots = 1 minute
m) realize its quicker to just let them put on boots = 1 minute
n) children put on rubber boots = 2 minutes
o) children wail that they can't walk out with umbrellas = 1 minute
p) search for second child's umbrella which was hidden in the closet = 3 minutes
q) walk out of house, lock door = 1 minute
r) in flurry of umbrellas leave purse in house, return for item = 4 minutes
s) put kids into car and start up vehicle = 3 minutes
t) referee argument about who gets which seat = 4 minutes
u) explain why we have to wear seatbelts = 4 minutes
v) back out of driveway, stop and try to remember where you are going = 4 minutes
w) drive to store = 5 minutes (including stop to pick up dropped sippy cup)
x) get out of car and explain (again) why we hold adult hands in parking lot = 5 minutes
y) find shopping cart that isn't wobbly and put kids into the cart = 8 minutes
z) go to produce section and pick up apple = 1 minute
A) pick up 16 apples dropped on ground by child disturbing apple pyramid = 4 minutes
B) go to cashier to pay for apple = 1 minute
C) explain why we are buying an apple, not gum = 2 minutes
D) purchase apple and return to car (leaving kids in cart) = 3 minutes
E) drive home = 2 minutes
F) walk into house with bruised apple which hit the ground when children fought over who's turn it is to carry the shopping bag to the car = 1 minute
So as you can see by this scientific proof, the formula works. It really does take 100 minutes to buy an apple if you include the kids in the shopping excursion.
You can apply this equation to numerous different things.
Walking to the post box down the block takes 3 minutes?
Bring the kids, it will take 9 minutes!
Driving to the video store to pick out a video takes 20 minutes?
With the kids, it will take 400 minutes! That's correct, it will take 6 and a half hours to get a video...the formulas works! See for yourself!
Doing a load of dishes takes half an hour? 30 minutes becomes 900 minutes. Yes, it will take you 15 hours to do the dishes if your children are around. And even if you can manage it in less time, it will still seem like 15 hours!
With those examples, I will end this post. It is time for me to go begin writing a new math text book. Its going to be called Mommy Math.
I will use this math formula in high schools around the country as part of the health curriculum, as a means to prevent teen pregnancy.
"You wanna get pregnant, well consider this...you like doing your nails? How long does that normally take you? An hour? Well guess what honey??? If you have a baby it will take you SIXTY hours to do your nails!!! Oh, you like spending 40 minutes on your hair??? If you have a baby, you might as well shave your head because its gonna take you 26 and a half hours to get your hair done with a baby in the picture so just forget it! A word to the wise teenagers, learn the formula, memorize it and it could save your life!!!"
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