I had fun shopping today.
I love to shop.

The perfect job for me would be a personal shopper for someone rich.
I don't necessarily want to keep the stuff I buy, I just love the challenge of
getting a great deal. Bargain hunting is so fun.
I guess its the thrill of the chase.

I went shopping for an eight year old girl. Its so fun to buy for other people but especially for little girls. Little boys don't usually care what they wear as long as it keeps them warm, not necessarily clean but warm.
But with little girls, their clothes are so personal.
Fashion is an expression of who they are, or who they want to be, and its a social statement. It effects social standing, what you wear is vitally important to a little girl. So shopping for them is even more fun, because it is a great challenge to try to think like them and get it just right.

Ahhhh....shopping.....it is a game, an art and a sport all rolled into one.
I love it! The sound of the word CLEARANCE CENTER, its like music to my ears.

Exciting night at the drop-in last night!

We started with threats to the cleaning staff to be dealt with.
Normal disciplinary stuff.
But just to mix it up a little (they don't want me to be bored) we had a kid strung out on who knows what (wouldn't tell me) vomiting everything he'd ever eaten.

So while I was dealing with that, a boy threw a snowball (with a rock in it) at the building and broke a window.

From one emergency to the next, this is now 7:20pm (we open at 7pm). As I'm inside dealing with some new kids who are checking out the drop-in for the first time, I hear screaming in the lobby. I go running out to find a lit firecracker spinning on the floor while the lobby fills with smoke. Now the fire alarm is screeching and kids start running out of the building (a good thing.) So I go herd out the boys who are still playing basket ball with the alarm going off, loudly explaining the importance of exiting a potentially burning building!

We get all the kids out before the fire department arrives. And have to close until further notice due to INCREDIBLY BAD BEHAVIOUR!!!!

We were open from 7-7:30pm but did enough damage for at least 2 weeks.
Now that's effecient!
I don't think this is a joke, I know its some serious crap but if I don't laugh about it, I'll just sit here and cry about the messed up state of youth, and that won't help anyway. So I'll joke, joking doesn't give me a headache, crying does.

So until a decent bootcamp moves into the area to beat the tar out of those little delinquents, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and praying for God to deliver us all from EVIL!!!!

I didn't blog on Sunday or Monday as I couldn't get onto the site, I think my
computer was having a temper tantrum.

But lots of exciting things have happened since Saturday.
Last night I got to clean puke off of a carseat! Now that is a good time!
Rebecca has the stomach flu so I'm doing laundry like crazy and walking
around the house armed with papertowel and a lysol spray bottle.
Its my concentrated effort to kill the bug before it gets Bella too.
(or me for that matter)

But last night Rebecca was feeling better and asked to go for a walk in the snow.
(for those outside of Winnipeg, we had a huge snowfall of about 10 cm!)
How could we refuse her that, we'd been refusing her food and she wants to eat so bad. So we bundled up both kids and played in the snow. It was so much fun!
"Daddy made a man-man".
So cute, Isabella calls the snow-man, "man-man."

Aside from them eating a lot of snow, it was pure fun!
Its good to enjoy the first snowfall and frolic in the big white flakes before the hatred sets in. Happy shoveling!

Take a look at the newspaper articles about the drop in I run!

Article One
Article Two
Full Size Photo

Here is what I was hashing out in my little brain at 3 am.
(couldn't sleep as my noggin wouldn't wind down)

I was thinking about leaving my family of origin when I got married and how having kids has created a family that is a new entity. Many of the values and ideas about family that my husband and I brought into this marriage were contrary so we had to negotiate to find neutral ground or agree to disagree. All good things. So some of my values, and ideas about family have changed from what I grew up with.

What I am conflicted about is being able to separate from what was "right" when I was growing up without judging it under my new set of values/standards etc.

I know that honoring your parents is a spiritual law that always pays off, and must be obeyed. Not only for that reason do I want to respect what my parents taught me, the other reason is very selfish. What goes around, comes arond baby!

I know someday my kids will judge what D.J. and I have taught them as parents, and I hope we instill some good stuff even though I know we'll screw up other things. All parents do their best, and maybe that's where grace comes in.
I guess I feel guilty for abandoning some of the values that I were displayed in my family but now I think they were not right.
The guilt comes in because who am I to judge my parents? And its my job to honor them and to be grateful for all the good that they have taught me.

Its all apart of growing up and letting go, cause I'm the mommy now!
How freaky is that???? Still feels weird sometimes.

Today is Friday, Hooray! I don't have to work tonight!
I just have some paperwork but no teens to yell at...er...guide into wiser ways!

I'm trying to put things in a positive light but it requires a lot more effort to do
that than to just say, "shut-up, you're getting on my nerves". But its worth
the effort I think. Being positive can be exhausting!
I'm amazed that God doesn't need a nap. He's so positive and nice all the time,
you'd think He'd be so tired. Especially of hearing all the complaining.

I've been giving Him a lot of complains about circumstances lately, but He still likes me, isn't that AMAZING???
This might sound stupid but I really like God.
Yes, I'm in awe of Him and His awesome power and creativity and holiness and all that too, but He's so NICE as a friend and that really gets me sometimes.
I'm such a jerk to Him sometimes and He still likes me, and talks kindly to me and just gives me stuff for no reason. I like Him better than anyone, many nights lately I've fallen asleep singing the song "Jesus, you're my best friend and nothing will ever change that". (They sing that one at Springs for those of you who don't know it).

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that. Don't know why, just said it. Stream of conscienciousness I guess. Being positive...God....isn't it nice that He's positive?
It fits!

My favorite delusion (see the side panel if you don't know what it is) took a huge
beating last night.

We had girls club, and 36 girls between the ages of 9 and 12 showed up.
Two of the longest hours of my life! I could actually feel my hair turning grey!

I got more attitude from those 36 girls than from all 200 of my jr. high and high school boys! It was unbelieveable and LOUD!!!
I can't stand girls of that age, I even hated myself at that age. Its that pull between wanting to be a baby and wanting to be grown up, that and being loud and annoying all at once.

Now with my girls being so close in age, they will both be in that age group at the same time. I think I shall move away from home when that time comes because
AHHHHHHHHHH! (That's the best way to describe it I think).

Oh God, help me! That's my pre-emptive prayer for 10 years down the road. Are you allowed to prophetically intercede for yourself????

Have you seen all the new McDonald's ad slogans everywhere?
"I'm lovin it".

Those are some strong words for fries and burgers, and McDicks yet, yuck!

I can say that if I were hungry enough, I'd eat McDonald's but I wouldn't
be "lovin it". I could see "lovin" a steak and salad at the Keg but
McDonald's......pluuuuuleeeeeeese!

If you ask me, the golden arches has gotten a little big for their britches.

And this is the most inane thing I've ever written in a blog to date, yeah me!

Why do my kids always feel the need to eat lotion?
Both of them, you'd think I don't feed them.

Yesterday I caught them "drink" out of the pump of my vaseline hand and body lotion.
I let them put it on their hands and they just lick it of, gross!

I guess it doesn't help that so many of my "girlie" lotions smell like fruits, mmmmm
Tangerine Therapy smells delicious, I wouldn't eat it, but if there was a lotion worth eating, that'd be the one.

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it"!
Why?
I no longer have to go to the laundromat!
Yes, I am once again a washing machine owner!

We got it on the weekend, a beautiful brand-new Maytag.
I think I'll call her Maggie.:)

How nice to think that when clothes need washing, I don't have to leave
the house....just take it downstairs and let Maggie do her job!

Its so amazing how little we appreciate some of the modern conveniences we have until they're gone. I managed to live 6 monthes without a washing machine but I don't think I'd last a week with Debbie (the dishwasher).

(By the way, for those of you who don't know me that well, I've never really named my appliances...but now that I tried it, maybe I'll start)

I've been thinking about writing, if ever I wanted to write a novel, I would have
to have a great title. Because without a great title, no one will pick up the book in the first place, right?
Artistic expression is important but one must also consider marketing!
(Its always the tortured artist vs. the money-grubbing capitalist pig, isn't it.....ahhh such a natural internal conflict.....hey, there's an idea for a novel!)

Anywho....I was thinking about the titles of some classic novels.
War and Peace
Crime and Punishment
Pride and Prejudice

At first I thought....ahhhh....its the word "and". You gotta have "and in the title and you've got a smash hit right away.
But that in itself won't get you an Oprah's choice book pick!
Would you pay $9.99 (paperback) for "Macaroni and Cheese"? (A classic but not so much in the literary sense) or "Wood and Plastic."

Noooo......because the two nouns must also be concepts.
So now I'm on the look out for really intriguing concepts that grip the imagination so I can put them together and have a fabulous title.
Truth, Light, Hope, Conceit, Harmony, hmmm...how about Hope and Harmony???
I'd read it.
Not really antagonist concepts but its got some alliteration going on, that can't hurt.
Once you get a title, the hard parts over, now I just have to write a brilliant novel and how difficult could that be? Hardy har har...I think I'll go watch t.v.

I've been thinking of the song, "Everything is beautiful" lately.
Why?
Because Rebecca picked up the word, bee-you-dafull and is trying it out.

Its so cute cause she says it lots, and everything is bee-you-dafull.

I asked her if she wanted a cookie, and she answered "bee-you-daful".
And my mom bought her a little tin mickey mouse lunch box that she's been
carrying with her, and she says its bee-you-daful.

What a great outlook on life! Beeee-you-dafull! :)

Woke up (very early) with this thought.

Was the leaning tower of Pisa a mistake?
(seriously, this is what I thought about at 6:50 am, how weird am I?)

If it wasn't, then Wow!

But if it was, how cool is that? It could be a metaphor to the world, sometimes things don't turn out the way you planned but even a bumbling idiot can create a masterpiece.

Just got off work at the drop-in.
Here is what I am processing...just thinking out loud here folks.

Firstly, it was a good night. About 70 kids, no fights, some swearing and a lot of
excitement over the new building. But even with it being a good night, its hard to
witness.

Its like the seeing the degeneration of civilized society right before my eyes.
Spitting (like loogies), farting, swearing, all manner of sexual insults to each other,
punching, kicking (play but still rough) and general disrespect for all authority.
They have to listen or they get kicked out but they cross lines I never would have.
So what's my question?

Have I gotten old or have things changed that much?
Is it that I've gone "soft" with being home with my two little ones and I need to be desensitized again or are kids getting worse?

So, I have simple question to all read this, what's happening to the world?
Please be brief in your response to this (if you have the answer) as the comment section is pretty tiny, and its a pretty big question.

Jane Austen wrote "If we can not laugh at ourselves, other people will be happy to do it for us."

Today, I am laughing at myself.

We don't have a lot of extra money for frivolous things right now, and my skin has been acting up something awful (I know, how vain am I?).
So, I thought to myself, I don't need money for a facial, how hard could it be to do one myself? They steam, pick and squeeze...done. Voila! Beautiful skin!

Well.....apparently, there is a little more to it than that. So one red, puffy scarred face later, here I am.

Live and learn.
Lesson learned....leave cleaning pores to the professionals.

Happy Thanksgiving!
We got back from the cabin this afternoon so I've missed 3 days of blogs!

We had a great thanksgiving. We went to the lake on Friday and it was just
fabulous weather. My whole family came out for a big turkey dinner and we
walked around by the lake. The trees are red and gold and leaves were
everywhere, fall is my fave. season by far.

The deer out there are so tame, its just crazy! The kids got to see 5 of them, really close up. They are so tame (deer, not kids) that they walked towards the kids!
We got lots of great photos, of the deer and the kids! Rebecca scared a few because when they walked away from her, she yelled, "come back! I talk you!"

But here is my cutest Rebecca story from the weekend. October long weekend is when the road takes the docks out and she hasn't seen this before. So I took her down to the lake to see this, and as soon as she did she shouted, "OH NO The Bridge is BROKEN!!!" and then she looked at me with this thoughtful little face and said, "That's okay, they can fix it!"

I had a great weekend, very relaxing. Now I'm ready to get back to my crazy life.

Well, this will be my last blog until Monday night.
We're going to the lake for the weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Hee hee hee
I'm really getting a kick out of Isabella lately.

She answers every question you ask her with "no", "nooooooo" or "nee-ooo".
But its always no!

You could say, "do you want ice-cream, candy and chocolate"?
She'd say "nooooooo" with a big smile on her face.

She really likes that word.

I just did my blurb below on pride, then ironically as I was doing some googling, I found something very cool!
One thing that I am proud of, that is a good thing is that I'm CANADIAN!!!!

Go Canada! I'm fiercly patriotic!

The website I found is

www.only-in-canada.com

Its really cute. Its a bunch of stuff that you can't get anywhere else in the world, except for our own Canada!
Yes, I'm proud to be Canadian!

A confession, by Erica Seales.

The other day, my friend Lori offered to do a load of laundry for me.
I said no as you need a special fabric softener to wash kids clothes.
While this is true, that was not the real reason I didn't want her to do
me a favor. The real issue is pride. So, I had to apologize to her for
my excuse which was in fact, a lie. Bad Erica, bad, bad.

But then it got me to thinking about pride. Even pride in housework, laundry,
in anything. While a certain amount of pride in our work is a good thing, there is
something about it that doesn't sit right.

If the reason we want to do "it" (whatever it is for us) is because we think we
can do it better, or in a special way (nice words for better) then that is not a
good kind of pride.

So I thought more on it. Why is pride so hard to kill? As people grow and mature, we fling off the confines of insecurity, fear, rejection and sometimes even deal with being free from serious stuff like depression, guilt, shame etc, but pride seems to be one people shy away from.

So here is my theory on pride.
1. Pride seems to be something that has less of "victim" feel to it. Guilt for eg. is something everybody deals with but pride has such a connotation of wrong-doing that people don't even want to admit they struggle with it.
2. Its easy to hide with other names....confidence, work ethic, being needed, and here's a big one....false humility!
3. It feels good! Depression feels horrible, people want to get out of that feeling as soon as possible, but there is something that feels a little bit good about being better than someone else at something, anything really.

I don't want to sermonize, I've just been thinking about this issue as I see it creep up in my own life, sometimes over the silliest little thing. I want to be a secure person, and to know that I'm loved even without doing the stuff that I'm proud of.
Maybe that's a part of beating insecurity, getting rid of pride!
Hmmmm.....I'll mull that one over for a while.

I'm getting deep in my old age. Oops, I said I wasn't going to call myself old anymore.
.....Starting.....Now......

Tragedy avoided! Hooray!

I do Not have lice! Thank God!
The idea is just so creepy, especially the idea of my kids getting it.
I could understand if they were school age and got in elementary
as its common then but not now, yuck!

The kids got up from their nap so we're off to the laundromat now.

Freaking out a little bit!
Found out through the school that one of the girls from
the girls program has lice! AAHHHHH!!!!

I hugged her twice last night.
Trying to stay calm!

My mom is on her way over to my house right now to check my head.
If I have lice, I'm gonna freak. That is so gross, and if my kids have
it......ugggghhhh, I can't even think about that.

I'll blog later to report whether or not there is anything to have a bird over.

Went REALLY great last night!
I'm very happy with the turn-out and dignitaries etc.
Now we just have to wait to read the article about it
in our little paper, the Herald.

The kids at the drop-in were very excited which makes me happy!

Things are good!

Today is the big day.
We're having our grand opening of the new building for the drop-in.
Tonight at 7pm, I'm excited and nervous.

What is it that I do, exactly?

Good question, I do recall in a recent blog saying that I should tell the story of how
I got this job. Now is as good a time as any.

So here goes,

Just after I had Rebecca (she was about 5 months old) I got a call from the principal of the school where I had just worked. She was now at a new school that had a drop-in program and they were looking for someone to relieve the co-ordinator on odd nights, and was I interested? So, I prayed about it and immediately got excited, even though I had wanted to stay home with Rebecca. This job was in the evening after she was in bed so I wouldn't miss anytime with her and I could still stay in touch with youth! (Which is what I did at the high school before kids) Cool! So I said yes.

So the first year, I was a co-coordinator of the lighthouse and got to know the kids, we opened up a gym 3 nights a week and just let teens come and hang out. It was fun.
Then, the other co-ordinator got a teaching job and quit so I was offered the job. I took it and hired new staff, who (co-incidentally) were all christians! So we started out first staff meeting with prayer. Our numbers (of kids) were rising and we found out we were one of the most successful sites in Manitoba! It was very encouraging.

Then, the community club next to the junior high we operate out of , offered us a building that they used only 2 weeks out of the year as an outdoor dressing room.
So I said sure, we'll take it! Then I looked at it, yikes! It was an ugly shack but it had potential. It was 1000 sq. feet so, lots of room but walls were kicked in, it was painted yellow and green (both hideous versions of those colors) and the floor was that rubber flooring stuff that stinks when it gets heated up. But it was a free building and we needed a place for non-athletic kids to just hang out as they were always in the lobby at the gym, which was not allowed.

So last September, I started with the letters for donations of paint, paint supplies etc. Canadian Tire was great to us. I started a youth committee to do the planning and work so the kids would feel like it was their project and not just my ideas. They had such great ideas, and everyone needed a title so I gave them each positions. It was so cute, these 16 year olds were running around telling people that they were "the foreman of the work party", "the president", "the interior design consultant" etc. It was so cute.

SO we got donations for the paint to fix it up, we got furniture donated and we won a money prize for the biggest site in MB so we used that to buy decorations. The students themselves put in a few weekends, painting etc to get it ready. And minus a few messy paint fights, it was fun. Then I got a call from someone who knew someone, and U of M's student association wanted to get rid of a bar, slate pool table and did we want it? Cool! So that was done.

Now after a year of work, we're finally ready to open it up to the youth of the area. I'm excited, we're having representatives from the provincial gov't, municipal gov't, school division, community club and police tonight for the ribbon cutting. I really want this to be something that the community takes a hold of, and for me, that means letting it go. Tough, but I can do it.

As long as the kids behave themselves and don't have a food fight or something, I think things should go well.
So, that's the story of how my little side job became a great adventure!
But I must fly, still have some last minute things to do before tonight.

Okay, I remember my thought.
But I was disappointed as it wasn't as profound as I originally imagined.

I was thinking about how quickly my kids are growing up.
How on difficult days, I think to myself, one day they'll be in school and
I'll have some semblance of my life back.

But then I was thinking, CRAP! I don't want them to go to school!
I like being home with them. This has been fun, where did my babies go to?
AAHHHHHH! (Panic, panic, mild freak-out session!)
It really is going to fast, and my BABY is already 14 months, and I'm not ready for this part of my life to be over yet. Being a mom is really what I've always wanted to do, if this is done.....then what?

Then, what a horrific thought! I'll have to go back to work, and maybe even decide what I want to be when I grow up. Crap! I got married young and had kids, I had no plan for after that.

But then I calmed myself.
I thought to myself, what can I do with my life that will make enough money to get us out of debt, that still gives me time with my kids, requires limited education and little or no experience in anything. I GOT IT!
I'm going into politics!
See? Its perfect! I have limited education, they have law degrees and how hard could it be to get one of those? Hee hee...my friend Shameem won't think that's funny:)
I like people, travel, expensive meals, where is the down side????
Its a good plan.
Now I feel better, I have a plan.
A good plan.
Now I just gotta figure out how to get elected. Any ideas?

So we're back to Monday, which I LOVE.
This morning we went to the Y and did the bouncer thing.
It is so much fun to watch the kids go wild! They love it.

A lot has happened this past weekend. It was truly crazy, but now I'm hoping
that things will soon get back to normal...
just living, taking care of my kids, working, playing volleyball, cooking (I'm making Sheperd's Pie right now, it smells just heavenly!) and cleaning (yuck!).

We dedicated Isabella this Sunday which was great, I thought it was lovely.
(There's Rhonda's word). But I won't talk about that right now as I'm still absorbing and processing.

I've had two profound thoughts today...yes, only two. Alot goes on in one's head while peeling potatos.

First I was thinking about how I'm not getting any younger.
Not in the negative sense, but in the literal sense. No person is getting younger yet so many people are terrified of aging. So if I'm not getting younger, perhaps this is as good as it'll be for me. Now that might sound depressing, but follow my thinking here...
If this is as thin, fit (I hope not), tall, pretty, wrinkle-free, hip, happening as I'll ever be then why don't I revel in it? Why do we think, okay when I lose 10 pounds then I'll wear a bikini?
Cause lets face it honey, 20 years from now, we'll look back and say, what kind of an idiot was I when I was 25???? I looked great! The pre-gravity years and I was scared to go to the beach...what a waste! I don't want to do that, I don't want any regrets when I'm 50, 60, 70 etc.

So I won't dwell on what I'm not and waste what's left of my youth, I'm gonna go out and buy myself some saucy clothes and live it up a little more! And I'm also going to stop saying "I'm old" which I do far too often. Cause I'm not! Yet!

My other profound thought of the day is....DANG...I can't remember.
Seriously, I'm not trying to be funny. I really can't remember.
But I'll just learn from watching my mom dealing with this "disease" and just
let it come to me.

I'll write it later, if it comes to me.

Its 2am
I can't sleep, too much on my mind and heart.

Thanks to those of you who prayed for Isabella.
Her fever has finally broken!
Thank-you God!

Just hoping that Isabella is better by Sunday as we are supposed
to be dedicating her this Sunday.

I haven't blogged in a couple days.
We've had a very sick baby.

Very frustrated with our medical system.
It is awful.
I felt like I am living in a third world country with all the waiting rooms and
the impossibility of getting ahold of any doctor when you're baby is sick.

We finally ended up taking her to emergency today, as the walk-ins are
so aahhhhh!
And it turns out that she has pheumonia in her right lung.
Please pray for our Isabella.
Thanks

It is amazing how teens can be so powerfully influenced by each other.

My first night back at the drop-in had 27 kids (well, boys...I have like 3 girls) and one
of the boys (who was there illegally vs. his trespass order) caused so much trouble that we had to call the police. The staff were stressed out and we had to close early.

Now the boy is gone and what an AMAZING difference! We had 49 boys last night, and it was so much fun. There was no rudeness or pushing back against authority.
It felt like I was a big mama there to nudge them in the right direction.

I think it was partially God being kind to me and knowing I needed an easy night with all the extra stuff I'm doing, preparing for the opening of the new building.
(By the way, the grand opening of our new buidling is next Tuesday. I'm very excited, we'll even have some media coverage I think)

And the other part is a change in my perspective. Before (my rest at the women's retreat) I was just thinking about how tired I was and how unfair it is that I have to work all day with my kids then go to work, that's just not fair!
Hee, hee I'm such a good little martyr, eh?

Now I'm thinking, what a great job I have! Two of my greatest passions in life, justice and youth....combined into a job, just for me! And, I get paid to do it! Wow! I'm so blessed! God really loves me!
He gave me the perfect job! (And I didn't even ask Him for it, but that's a whole different story....maybe I'll tell that story tomorrow....its a doozey!)

So, now my challenge is keeping my new found perspective. I know that God is eternally faithful, the problem is I'm not.